my saw II paraday (remake)

[jim morrison]

back when i was here a while ago i made my saw II paroday.it's back heres my paroday enjoy.oh p.s. if you have nothing nice to say dont say anythign at all.


michael wakes up jigsaw says

jigsaw-hello michael i want you to take steps into my plan.

michael-you mean game

jigsaw- yes um i want to play a game so far in your days that you have been living without being dead you have made a living watching others live out their lives.

michael-couldent you have just said so far in what could loosley be called your life.

jisaw-oh one more time punk you got it?!?!?!?!?!?

michael-yeah yes i got it.

jigsaw- good then i wanna paly a game.so far in what could loosley be call your life you have made a living watching others.society would call you a person who tells alot of information about a person to get them in trouble.

michael-you mean informant,a rat,a snitch

jigsaw-rrrrrrrrrrrrrr...TINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tina-yes john

jigsaw- dont say my name anyway o close his trap.

tina- gotcha

tina goes out and closes michaels trap michael oes down.

in police station

eric- scuse me

asian cop- koneecheewa how can i serve you.

eric-i'm just here to get daniel.


asian cop-alright then fuckhead wanna play with me huh?then sign these!

eric- come on daniel lets get out of here.

daniel- took you long enough

eric- sorry i had to go to 7 eleven and buy some condoms for when me and kerry get jiggy wit it.

outside

eric- their pressing electric buttons you know.

daniel-you mean charges?

eric- yeah but whats with you any---hey hotdogs!wanna a hotdog danny boy?

daniel-err no!!!

eric- you said you didnt want a hotdog?

daniel- yeah.

eric-well then leave go,go home fuck you i'm getting my own hotdog.

in appartment

on daniels voice message

daniel-allo guvnas tiz danielleave a on phone e-mail after the loud BEEEEEEEEEP!

eric- hey danny this is eric look i havent seen kerry to use my condoms so can you help me use my condoms plase?thanks.

phone rings

eric-daniel are you ready to help me with my condoms.---oh...oh hey sarge...it's a murder...nothing about condoms...i'll be there shortly.

in hallway

eric- hey kerry i got some condoms wanna use em'?

kerry- uh no!

eric-so it's a body let me look at it's face and i'll know if i'll do it or not.

they see michael dead

eric-hmmmmmmmmm...i wasn going for a purple man but whatever.

kerry- hey look on his back.

eric-it's lipstick from your lips.

kerry-oh shit


kerry wipes off lipstick


kerry-no look up more.

eric-hmmmmmm.it's a carving of a penis.


kerry- exactly.

eric-what does this mean?

kerry- well it means he's gay of couse.if not then the killers trying to make him look bad.

eric- yeah.

kerry- look at his genetals detective matthews.

eric-eh?

kerry- jigsaw wrote it.look at them

eric- ummmmmmmm...(runs)

back in police station billie on t.v

jigsaw-hello michael i want you to take steps into my plan.yes um well...i want to paly a game.

eric-hey kerry you and that guy have alot in commen.

kerry-excuse me?

eric-ok i'll tell you...


14 days later


eric-and your tities are both small...flat chested both of you gosh.

kerry- did you have to make it so long of a story?

eric- i could have but i wanted to include how butterfingers reminded me of him and you.

kerry- how could you have made it shorter?

eric- i could have just said you both have negatize z tits.

kerry- yeah but other than that this guy wanted you to look at his nut sack.he asked you to.

eric- i no longer like you kerry.

kerry- grrrrr woof wooof woof woof woof woof.

in appartment

look at his genetals detective matthews.

this guy asked you to look at his nuts

eric- i just thought of something...


eric calls someone

eric- hey ricky i was thinking about this dead dudes nuts when i got horney.wanna do it?hello...ricky...ricky!?!?whatever

they go in jigsaws lair

eric- hey gonna let me see your nuts now?

john- actually i will need to remain here while you deal with your problem detective matthews.

eric-what problem?

john-your period.

eric-but wait what how did you what the fuck man???

john-go in that room

eric-okay

they go to the room where they find the monitors.they see 8 people in walmart.

eric- hey wheres my son?

john- i cant release the information of where your son is.if i told you right now that your son was sitting in that safe next to me it's would mess up my game plan i have for you.

eric- well whats going on?

john-your son is in walmart.he has approximatly 2 hours.before the door to that store is opened and he is free to go but there is no security and he can steal what ever he wants and i completley dont care...oh yes...there will be objects.

john suddenly goes to sleep

eric hits him to wake up

john- oh yes whats going on?

eric-give me my son.i never got it on with him yet.

john-i will not give you your son but i will give you...information...i hate people that steal people who steal should be killed.


to be continued......................................... ..........

[Brock Manson]

It's "parody" pup. ;)

[jim morrison]

It's "parody" pup. ;)
thanks for the correction.

[Bad Boy]

I'm really sorry but this is by far the worst "parody" I've read so far. I think I only SMILED once. :(

[Fake My Breath]

it is pretty dumb i only smiled because i bet you though this was a good "paraday"

[Jigsaws-Daughter-666]

It was okay, but not the best parody I have ever read. But hey, I'm the type of girl who will laugh at anything. I thought it was funny when Jigsaw said "Oh yes...There will be objects." LOL.

Try again, but your brain power into it. You can do it! XD

[livingisoverrated]

To be positive (and tell the truth for once) I like it. It made me laugh, I'm ready to see where the rest of this is going.

[jim morrison]

OH MY GOD!!!someone liked it!hardly no one here likes my ideas.ok heres part 2.just to tell you when writing this i was listening to jim morrison~whisky bar.so i got ideas from it. well heres part 2 enjoy my friends!


continuing from john telling about hating people who steal.


eric-but...wait a minute mr.jigsaw.

john-DON'T CALL ME JIGSAW YOU DIRTY ASSHOLE!my name is john kramer.

eric-ok sorry for the inncorection mr.kramer. I just want---

john-YOU BETTER FUCKING NOT CALL ME MR.KRAMER AGAIN!YOU KNOW DAMN WRITE MY NAME IS JIGSAW!

eric-but jigsaw---

john- STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THAT!fucking call me um...goldmeebray.

eric-ok hen mr.goldmeebray...I just want my son is all to make sure he's ok.i stopped being horney.

john-well if you want to see if your sons ok you have to go in that room.AND you have to watch the monitors.AND if he dies i'll laugh my fucking ass off hahahahaha!...oh yeah don call me goldmeebray call me john.

eric-good jesus your an idiot.

john- yes well it was the police and press who first claimed i was an idiot.you see eric...it started like this...

a flashback comes on of a previous tape jigsaw made.

john-(talking to eric)it was my first trap and tape i've created.i put them to the test.this should explain everything about my stupidity...


Nick wakes up in a dark room.


jigsaw-Hello Nick.i want to play a game.So far in you life you have sickened others for your own pleasure.Now today you will be the one sick to your stomach as you can see the device around your waist is a death suit.the device is on a string timer.there is a key located somewhere in this room for that device...X marks the spot for that clue so look carefuly...Also Nick i wouldent spend anytime trying to break the device is made of pure cardboard.let the game begin!


Nick-OH MY GOD why did you do this why why why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i cant break it off it's 100% pure cardboard.hey look and X...hmmmmm...X rings a bell didnt that wierd puppett say something about an X?
jigsaw- oh for christ sakes i said X marks the spot!
Nick-o.............k...

he breaks the X open on the wall.


nick-oh my good it's a powersaw...i know what i must do now...


Nick begins to cut at his waist.When he is done cutt half his body he eats the powersaw.Nick then goes back in the whole in the wall where the X was gets the keys and unlocks the device...that is no longer on him...because he cut off his waist...googley googley googley googley...nick then then see's a drink cooler on the ground.he opens and to his amazement...it is powerade,gatorade,a knife and...a bagel.


jigsaw-now you must make a choice gatorade or powerade Jigsaw then says...GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Nick then mixes the drinks...Jigsaw says...HEY!!! what do you think your doing thats against the rules...STOP!!!

Nick gets stronger then superman.cuts the bagel and

jigsaw -...ok well since you lived theres an enormous door infront of you...you may leave...Nick says:ok!



back to john talking to eric


john-so you see eric it happened like that.

eric-but howd the police claim you as stupid?

john-oh well eric the tape was recorded in the police station and they found me.let me continue.

back to johns story of his first trap.


jigsaw-god i'm such smart person i made him cut his body off

a policeman walks buy in the video.

policeman-hey dude this isnt a shooting studio this is a police station.

jigsaw-oh...well what police station is it?

policeman-north west presinct.

jigsaw-oh.well i guess i'll go over micky dee's (mcdonalds) then.

policeman-hey can i come with you i actually shot a film...whys there a dead body there?

jigsaw-thats who i am.

policeman- well your under arrest.

jigsaw gets arrested.

john- WAIT!that was my last doll...oh fuck!


back to john talking to eric...


john-and thats the enitire story there my friend.

eric-can i have my---why must you masterbate when were sitting here?

john-oh there we are i couldent get it up in 2 years.

eric- wow just wow!...i'm going to look at my son.

john-ohhhhhhh...you do that fuck yeah (still masterbating)

eric-kerry whats been going on?

kerry- well the fat chick just went over to the playgirl section.

eric-fat chick?

kerry-yes...

eric-hm!

now to the good stuff...in walmart.

xavier-what the hell is this???????

gus-i dont know we were just sitting here and we all woke up.

xavier- yeah but the worse part of it is,is that the colored dude (jonas) is raping that passed out chick(amanda).i wanted to get her to.i'm upset now.hey black man...i'm gonna kill ya later.

jonas-dont say that or else i'm gonna...um...stick a fishing pole up your hiney.

amanda-(wakes up) ahhhh! what the hell?!?!?!?!?!

jonas- holy shit ahhhh! (jumps away fast)

addison-hey who are you?

amanda-my names aman---

addison-no you

gus-i'm gus

addison-hows about we go to the bathroom...come one babay!!!

gus-ok lets go we need a key to out of this cage first.

xavier- a scary thing is that we are all fitting in an animal cage.

obi- i found this tape...i'm going to play tjis tape...this tape shall conclude---

xavier-PLAY THE FUCKING THING YOU DUMB FUCK!

obi- ok ok...

plays tape

jthe tape-Well, show me the way
To the next whisky bar
Oh, don't ask why
Oh, don't ask why

Show me the way
To the next whisky bar
Oh, don't ask why
Oh, don't ask why

For if we don't find
The next whisky bar
I tell you we must die
I tell you we must die
I tell you, I tell you
I tell you we must die

Oh, moon of Alabama
We now must say goodbye
We've lost our good old mama
And must have whisky, oh, you know why

Oh, moon of Alabama
We now must say goodbye
We've lost our good old mama
And must have whisky, oh, you know why

Well, show me the way
To the next little girl
Oh, don't ask why
Oh, don't ask why

Show me the way
To the next little girl
Oh, don't ask why
Oh, don't ask why

For if we don't find
The next little girl
I tell you we must die
I tell you we must die
I tell you, I tell you
I tell you we must die

Oh, moon of Alabama
We now must say goodbye
We've lost our good old mama
And must have whisky, oh, you know why

xavier- that was strange...but catchy oh show me the way to the next little girl!...wait wait little girl that must be a clue...there!

xavier points over at a random girl in the cage.

girl- no please no please

xavier-we found her...are you a clue?

girl- i found this paper...with a key.

gus grabs the key away

gus- i'm unlocking this door holy shit it's a gun right here!i'm not unlocking it!

the tape comes back on

the tape-Well, show me the way
To the next whisky bar
Oh, don't ask why
Oh, don't ask why

Show me the way
To the next whisky bar
Oh, don't ask why
Oh, don't ask why

For if we don't find
The next whisky bar
I tell you we must die
I tell you we must die
I tell you, I tell you
I tell you we must die

Oh, moon of Alabama
We now must say goodbye
We've lost our good old mama
And must have whisky, oh, you know why ...

gus-ya know what ya know what...if that tape is to play for 3 hours straight i'd rather be dead...i'm unlocking the door to both free you all and kill myself.

gus unlock door and shoots himself.

xavier-YIPPY! were free.

jonas-hey were in walmart.

obi- yes we are.

xavier- hey you all enjoy myself i'm gonna go find a toy bus then i'ma get outta here. we can probaly break these glass doors with the nailbat.

jonas-hey whered you get the nailbat?

xavier-i found it...


....................................to be continued...someday lol!

[MasterChief3624]

what the hell.

all our hard work and disgusting conduct........gone.

shit, that was a waste of time.

Better start it again:

Lizard, i hate you.










lol, j/k. Let's be friends, as hard as it may be, let's try to start off on teh right foot.

Peace?:)

[Bad Boy]

I don't have a problem with Lizard whatsoever but this script sucks. :(

[jim morrison]

i'm not happywith it myself lmao.my favorite part was the cardboard trap.

[jim morrison]

part 3


before i start you know in the movies when the middle of the movie gets good...this is it...i hope.well heres part 3.


jonas-well what section was the nailbat?

xavier-it wasnt in an isle,i found it yesterday when i was walking my dog.

jonas-hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

addison-*coughs*i'm heading to the midications isle.i'm moving this caution wet floor sign to the carpeted area.hahaha.*moves sign* that was fun

addison walks 2 feet in front of her and falls on her face and braiks her nail.

addison- ahhhhhhhh...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOO!!!

everyone runs to the medicin isle.

jonas- HELLO HELLO WHATS WRONG?

addison-my nail my precious nail...can you get it for me please.i'm going to the first aid isle.

daniel goes over to the toy section and begin to steal the muppets toys.

amanda-daniel what are you doing?

daniel- AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH...holy shit you scared the fuck outta me.


amanda-yeah well i'm going to the pregnancy---i mean shoes...yeah shoes...

amanda lifts up her shirt looks at her stomach laughs then runs.daniel gets out the muppet toys and talks to one.

daniel-so...elmo how ya foing?

elmo-...

daniel- whats that you want sex ok!

laura comes in

laura-what are you doing?

DANIEL-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!FOR FUCKS SAKE STOP FUCKING INTERUPTING ME YOU SLUT!

laura-can you please get on your pants?

daniel-never!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

laura-yes ever!

daniel- you should probly wear looser pants cause your so fat!

laura-- waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

daniel- yeah go to mcdonalds you fat fuck.

and noise is being hear across the store...

everyone meets up and see's the tape recorder...

tape recorder- yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes oh yeah...oh amanda oh yeah ahh oh yeah...

everyone looks at amanda

amanda- obi did it.

obi- i did what?

jonas-whats the furnace for?

tape recorder- oh fuck...*high pictched voice* hello obi---*clears throat*hello obi i wanna play a game.for years you have taken good condoms and had sex with them.do you think that is what condoms are for?

amada on tapejohn-*whispers*

john on tape- oh really?it's not manual labor?

amanda on tape- not codoms are for sex.

john- oh....ok then obi go in the furnace it's part of my game...that was supposed to include condoms but i guess condoms arent for sex.

obi goes in furncae-

obi-whyd he want me to---on a quarter...

obi picks up a quater a trap door in the furnace opens and he falls down it.obi breaks his neck and dies.


everyone- oh shit!

jonas sneezes...his sneeze must have contained a toxic gas cause eeryone forgot what they were doing..

everyone-hey wheres that one guy?

daniel- PISS CAPSULE!

everyone- oooooo where i have to go!!!!!

daniel- i dont know i just felt like saying that.

laura falls down and dies.

amanda- oh my god shes dead.

daniel- well it must be true what wishmaster says...be careful what you wish for.

amanda- i have an instinct to go upstairs,in a room.

everyone- ok...


they reach the needle room



to be conitnued......................................... ........................................

[jim morrison]

part 4




in the needle room

xavier-oh shit it's a door

jonas-with a lock

xavier-shut up

jonas- you bastard

xavier- stop completing my sentances!

jonas-HEY!a tape.

tape-hello xavier i wanna play a game,...

I've got a bike. You can ride it if you like.
It's got a basket, a bell that rings and
Things to make it look good.
I'd give it to you if I could, but I borrowed it.
You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, ev'rything if you want things.
I've got a cloak. It's a bit of a joke.
There's a tear up the front. It's red and black.
I've had it for months.
If you think it could look good, then I guess it should.
You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, ev'rything if you want things.
I know a mouse, and he hasn't got a house.
I don't know why. I call him Gerald.
He's getting rather old, but he's a good mouse.
You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, ev'rything if you want things.
I've got a clan of gingerbread men.
Here a man, there a man, lots of gingerbread men.
Take a couple if you wish. They're on the dish.
You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, ev'rything if you want things.
I know a room of musical tunes.
Some rhyme, some ching. Most of them are clockwork.
Let's go into the other room and make them work.

xavier-*thinks back*lets go into the other room and make work.thats has to be it.

xavier goes in the cage the started in

xavier-(clears throat)I've got a bike. You can ride it if you like.
It's got a basket, a bell that rings and
Things to make it look good.
I'd give it to you if I could, but I borrowed it.
You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything,-----

jonas walks in

jonas-why are you singing

xavier-NO NO i'm just kidding...yes kidding.

jonas- you were?what i heard was singing.you better tell me were you singing?cause if you were,it brings back my daughters memories.she started singing at the age of 5.it was so terrible i had to go on the top of my house, then jump off.so if you were just singing i'm telling you to stop.now were you singing?

xavier-yeah,i was singing.i was singing to get my ass outta here, but i have to---but hahaha---any way.i have to killyou now,so you don't spread the word of my musical life.

jonas- what?

xavier- oh nothing much just turn around for a free trip,to the land of no return.

jonas-...hmmmmmm...it sounds like a good offer.i'll do it.i guess?

jonas turns around xavier slams bat in his head

jonas- oh you know what?that bat really hurt,i mean it was metal and everything.just ow god.

xavier- oh fuck wrong bat.please turn back around.

jonas- no not this time uh uh.no.

xavier-*thinks back from 2 minutes ago*"jonas-she started singing at the age of 5.it was so terrible i had to go on the top of my house, then jump off."

thats it! "begins to sing"
baby,hae i ever told you that i love you?

jonas-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!*jumps out window*

[jim morrison]

part 5



xavier- so maybe the twist is i have to make a song and make it work.

daniel amanda and addison walking down the hall.

addison-hey what are you looking at?is my lipstick smeered?!?!?!?!?!?

amanda-no,no the whisky bar.

addison-what?

amanda-the whisky.

points at picture

addison- a picture of a whisky bar?

amanda-chyea!

a condom falls out they leave it

addison-you 2 are on your own.

addison falls into a door.

addison-hmmmm...a room...*looks up at box*OOOOOOOO AN ANDTIDOTE!

sticks her hands in the box...jack in the box

addison-nooooooo...i'm stuck

xavier walks in

xavier-i found a condom what should i do?

addison-help..me.

xavier-you dont want sex?fuck you then.

xavier leaves room.he goes to the begining cage and trys to open it...amanda see's a trapped door

amanda-hey a door.

daniel-open it.

amanda-open a door?but how?

denial-here lemme do it my nig...sorry.

amanda and daniel get to the tunnel

xavier still trying to open the cage...


xavier- wait i can just bend the bars...now i'm in

amanda and danny boy in tunnel


daniel- ewwwww...

amanda-yeah,the lighting is so nasty.

xavier comes in

amanda- dude should we run?

daniel- yes YES!

eric comes in walmart...

eric- oooooo objects!

they reach the bathroom

voice overs are heard.

john- hello zep wanna have some sex?

adam-i wanna go wash my hands now...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH stink fingers.MY HANDS NOW HAVE STINKY FINGERS WHATS YOURS LIKE?

zep-it's so fun.i'm gonna fuck ye hubby now mrs.gorden.

lawrence-he dosent want us to wear these condoms...he wants us to get anal with them.

adam- NOW OMG LAWRENCE DONT EAT THE CONDOMS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O!!!

lawrence-noooooo!


continuing.................................

[jim morrison]

part 6


xavier gets in the bathroom

amanda-seriously dude,you should get a life and stop spying on me.

xavier-i've got the condom all-s i need is------

the tape from saw 1 (zeps tape comes on)

tape- ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone.ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone!!!!

xavier-if i dont have a penis i cant wear a condom


(cuts off penis)


xavier-i think i just bled to death *falls down*

now it goes to the police station kerry hears a door creaking...the safe door opens with daniel and amanda

daniel- that was incredible.

amanda- yeah it was i think im having 2 kids.

daniel-what?!?!?!?!

in bathroom

eric- i'm kind of tired i have to get sleep *falls assleep on the bathroom floor*(the pig comes and chains eric to a pipe)

eric wakes up



eric- oh shit i'm still here...i thought i'd be in disney land.oh well.hey! a tape.

amanda- hello eric,i dont like you, you would never have sex with me,so therefor i am to torture you forever.your chained up and cant leave.the follwing song will play forever, only after you die will it stop.if you try to destroy it the song will get luder till, it gets its loudest.*the song*i've got a bike you can ride it if you like...


eric- DANIEL!!!

amanda comes to the door.


amanda- such a bad song i feel bad for you.game over my friend game over.

eric- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

the screen goes black with the song still playing


the end...


i shall now combine them all.