PDA

View Full Version : F My Life!!

mastae
02-17-2009, 12:37 PM
www.fmylife.com

One of the greatest websites I've ever stumbled upon.
KillerZavatar
02-17-2009, 12:41 PM
lmao xD

"Today, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me via text message. He spelled my name wrong. FML"
IgJayAwSay
02-17-2009, 12:43 PM
"Today my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML"

:cool: wtflol zD
mastae
02-17-2009, 01:03 PM
"Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear ending the person in front of me."

Fucking rofl
lockedinabathroom
02-17-2009, 01:16 PM
"Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML"

This site owns.
Samara
02-17-2009, 01:40 PM
Today, I got a "save the date" card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I was excited because I really wish to be better friends with these people. I emailed the bride, "I got your STD!" and hit send before I realized how that sounded. FML

LOL
mastae
02-17-2009, 01:50 PM
Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom".

XD
Cameron
02-17-2009, 01:51 PM
Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom".

XD

Hahaha that's the best one.

I feel kind of intimidated posting in this thread with a FML quote.
light101dark
02-17-2009, 02:13 PM
this website is actually amazing.
Samara
02-17-2009, 02:18 PM
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML


oh man XD
tobinbellpwns
02-17-2009, 02:22 PM
did amy tell you about this mastae?

zD
mastae
02-17-2009, 02:29 PM
did amy tell you about this mastae?

zD
Nope
I finally stumbled upon this epicness.
tobinbellpwns
02-17-2009, 02:35 PM
Nope
I finally stumbled upon this epicness.
lolwtf

amy texted me about this website a few days ago

it's a sign tbh.

i'm your wife. :)
mastae
02-17-2009, 02:37 PM
i'm your wife. :)
Do I have to look you in the eyes during missionary?
light101dark
02-17-2009, 03:25 PM
Do I have to look you in the eyes during missionary?
only if you truely want to go thumbing a softie
IgJayAwSay
02-17-2009, 03:29 PM
"Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML"

AHAHAHAHHA LOL. zD
IgJayAwSay
02-17-2009, 03:53 PM
btw this one doesn't make me lol :( It makes me sad

"Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML"

:( :( :(
Attack Dog
02-17-2009, 04:05 PM
btw this one doesn't make me lol :( It makes me sad

"Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML"

:( :( :(
That's just.. sad...
lockedinabathroom
02-17-2009, 04:14 PM
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML

Nice kid :)
Cameron
02-17-2009, 04:14 PM
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML

Nice kid :)

Hahaha. That's the best.
lockedinabathroom
02-17-2009, 04:24 PM
Today, when my boyfriend and I were lying in bed, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

zD
Cameron
02-17-2009, 04:28 PM
Today, my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time. When I was on top of her, she asked me if it was in yet. I said yes. She sighed. FML
SawAddicct123
02-17-2009, 07:46 PM
i found this website a few days ago and honestly read it for an hour and a half. most addicting thing ever. if i find one that made me laugh i'll post it, because there were a few that i honestly was laughing so hard, and my mom and dad kept saying "what's so funny?" but i couldn't read them out loud because they were dirty.
Satchfan42
02-17-2009, 07:50 PM
Today, my friends and I decided that we were going to make fun of our teacher by laughing as hard as we could at the first thing he said because he was always cracking horrible jokes. He walked in and told us his father had just passed. I was the only one to laugh. FML

Today I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment and I told her I didn't have a condom. She responded by laughing in my face and upon realizing my look of confusion said "Oh, you actually thought I'd have sex with you?" FML

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

Today, I started a fight at a lesbian bar and lost. I'm a man. FML

Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML (this one i can picture happening to me)

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML
IgJayAwSay
02-17-2009, 09:36 PM
"Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML"

Oh jeez that SUCKS zD
philsaw101134
02-18-2009, 03:43 PM
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML
iCRANGRAPE
02-19-2009, 07:46 AM
Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML
Vinc360
02-19-2009, 02:41 PM
Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML


I caught that on tape :)
SawAddicct123
02-19-2009, 04:54 PM
Today, I told a girl I liked her. She replied, "Don't". FML
mastae
02-19-2009, 04:56 PM
Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?"

Bwahahaha, I took yours, Sawaddict :P
SawAddicct123
02-19-2009, 04:56 PM
Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?"

Bwahahaha, I took yours, Sawaddict :P
mother fucker


Today, I went to McDonald's for lunch and ordered a salad. The man behind the counter looked at me and said "Well, at least you're trying." FML
philsaw101134
02-19-2009, 08:44 PM
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
KillerZavatar
02-20-2009, 03:17 AM
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
omfg thats just horrible O_O
lockedinabathroom
02-20-2009, 04:31 AM
Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

Rofl.
KillerZavatar
02-20-2009, 04:32 AM
Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

Rofl.
oh my. xDDD
light101dark
02-20-2009, 08:10 AM
Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

Rofl.
i didn't realise i was reading the f my life thread. i saw it and i was like O.o
Samara
02-21-2009, 07:31 PM
i didn't realise i was reading the f my life thread. i saw it and i was like O.o
I just did the same thing. XD
mastae
02-21-2009, 09:11 PM
Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

OMFG LOL
KillerZavatar
02-22-2009, 03:52 AM
Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

OMFG LOL
fuckin rofl
Jerecaine
02-25-2009, 02:59 PM
"Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML"

"Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML"
---------
that second one, LOL
steph87
03-02-2009, 05:02 AM
"Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML"
zD
Stephen
03-02-2009, 08:35 AM
"Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML"
zD

lol

Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML

Today, I was drunk and horny. So I texted "I want to fuck your pussy" to my girlfriend. I later realized that I had accidentally substituted the s for the p, and actually said "I want to fuck your puppy." FML

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

This is too funny.
BuzzSaw
03-02-2009, 11:10 AM
my personal favorite, i dont even want to try and look for it, was the one where the lady emailed her boyfriend saying she wanted to get on her knees and suck him off, and sent it to him with her department number in the return field by habit, he forwarded the message back with his response that he wanted to finish over her face and the entire department got to read in on it.
Stephen
03-02-2009, 01:08 PM
Today, I was recorded a video for my friend on her wall, I forgot to click "stop recording" and got undressed for a shower. When I got out of the shower I noticed I hadn't posted it. A few minutes later I started getting a lot of notifications. Everyone was commenting on my nude video. FML

:D
Stephen
03-02-2009, 01:20 PM
Today, I left my glasses at home and while walking to the bus stop I saw the cutest girl on on the street smiling and waving at me from her front yard, I happily waved back smiling and kept going. It turned out that she was was crying and calling me over since her dad just had a heart attack. FML
mastae
03-04-2009, 05:30 PM
Today, to remind myself to write a check for my speech and debate team (Lynbrook Speech and Debate), I wrote "LSD money" on the back of my hand. The Vice Principal saw it, dragged me to the office, and called my parents. FML

XD omfg...
IgJayAwSay
03-04-2009, 05:33 PM
Today, to remind myself to write a check for my speech and debate team (Lynbrook Speech and Debate), I wrote "LSD money" on the back of my hand. The Vice Principal saw it, dragged me to the office, and called my parents. FML

XD omfg...
OMFG rofl zD


Today, it is my twin sisters and my birthday. We both wanted a day at the spa for our birthday. My sister got a gift certificate to the spa, while I got mouthwash and a $20 gift card to Target. My mom said it would cost too much to make me pretty also. FML
ribcaged
03-20-2009, 09:36 PM
www.fmylife.com/253938
bobbylight17
03-20-2009, 09:37 PM
I heard your statement has to be approved by the site so thats a fml withing itself.
Cameron
03-23-2009, 06:50 AM
Just look here http://sourceradix.com/m/sat.html
It seems more truthful:)

I clicked on that. FML.
KillerZavatar
03-23-2009, 06:54 AM
Just look here randomviagrawebsite FML
fixed .
KillerZavatar
03-23-2009, 06:54 AM
I clicked on that. FML.
haha same here but in another thread xD
TylerTehSawBoy
03-23-2009, 11:42 AM
"Today, I walked in on my elderly great-great aunt sitting on her recliner in the living room. There was porn on the TV. Thinking that this was an accidental channel change, I asked, "What in the world are you watching!?" She replied in her sweet frail voice, "Two lesbians getting it on!" FML"

Pwned! lmfao
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
BlackOut0189
05-16-2009, 12:58 PM
This website is the shit :) I love the stories they always make me crack up.
NinaNitemare
06-06-2009, 01:19 PM
Today, I came home from work late (2:30am). As I snuck carefully into bed and laid down next to my sleeping future wife, my fiancee half awake said "No, no... Dan will be home soon." I am Dan. FML

___

Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML

___

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

___

My face hurts so bad from laughing!!!:p